Make Believe Mailer Vol. 12: Rhymes With "Mop"
Wondering what the hottest Japanese music news of the past three weeks has been? Well, let me sum it up for you: SMAP SMAP SMAP SMAP SMAP SMAP SMAP SMAP SMAP SMAP SMAP. I took a break last week, and you didn't miss anything.
Pictured: SMAP SMAP SMAP SMAP SMAP
The summarized version: Newspaper finds out four members of the beloved boy band planned to join their manager in leaving noted tyrants/talent agency Johnny's And Associates, causing big stir across country. Five days later, the group hold a special live press conference on their weekly variety show/cooking extravaganza SMAP X SMAP to announce they are going to continue on as a group with Johnny's, and that they were sorry for all the drama they caused...especially to Johnny himself. Prime Minister Abe thought this was rad.
So, that weird little spectacle should have been the end to the drama, except four of the five members of the group looked like one wrong flinch would get the dobermans released on them. Plenty of fans -- and, uh, prime ministers -- are happy with this resolution but odds are those grim faces above will keep weekly newspapers and assorted do-it-yourself investigators going for the next six months.
This whole ordeal has served as a nice reminder of how generally insane Japanese talent agencies can be, though even that fails to sum up how Johnny's and SMAP in particular, operate. A few people have tried to turn this into a broader point about business culture in Japan as a whole, which good job good effort but not many salarymen generate millions of dollars and tour the country and cook on national TV weekly. Now, a REAL thinkpiece on the subject would go...SMAP actually represent "Japan Inc." and the refusal to embrace innovation in favor of the old, holding back young upstarts from really getting a chance to take their place at the center (uhhhh I guess that's Arashi in this).
Good for the long-gone sixth member of SMAP getting out of this
What sticks with me most from all this is a reminder of how ridiculous fandom can get. Some thought it was sweet that fans pushed a 2003 SMAP song to the top of the Oricon daily chart, or how this whole to-do prompted a bunch of nostalgic waxing about the group. Even SMAP's special TV apology opened with letters from concerned fans, expressing how much the group means to them. Which is nice and all -- but it's pretty clear from the subsequent televised shit show that four of these dudes aren't happy at all about this. But fans devotion to the group -- which to the entertainment industry just looks like a bunch of yen signs -- guarantees they are stuck in this churn even longer. If you love something, let it go. Or at least let them get away from Johnny's.
Japanese Music Highlights From The Past Two Weeks
Zombie-Chang released a very good album recently...more on that later in February...but for now listen to one of the blurry-eyed highlights from it.
Osaka's Lady Flash calmed down a bit on their latest song, while Parkgolf and Monotoons kept on doing their thing just right.
Carpainter released a new album via Trekkie Trax.
No shortage of '80s inspired pop now, but Sound Resorts do a nice job scuffing up the edges.
News And Views
Let's check in on that other big Japanese entertainment scandal, Beckygate. Things aren't going so well for her! She lost one of her Fuji TV gigs, even though she had announced she was going to take a break from the entertainment industry. Gesu No Kiwami Otome, meanwhile, scored a number-one album and (surprise surprise) have seemingly come out of this OK. Philip Brasor had a great article about it -- and SMAP's drama -- for The Japan Times, while Arama gifted the world one hell of a headline.
Remember when someone said Hikaru Utada was going to come back in the spring, and then Utada's camp was like "nah," and a bunch of people were like "lolz media, what a bunch of clowns?" Welp, actually kind of true after all, albeit via only a new theme song for a drama.
Laurel Halo made a song using Hatsune Miku, and you can hear a preview now.
In what might be the first move related to the 2020 Tokyo Olympics that hasn't been a complete disaster, Sheena Ringo has been brought on to help produce the flag-passing portion of this summer's Rio games. I hold that they threw some shade at idols during the announcement.
And let the Japanese summer festival madness begin! Summer Sonic seems to be eyeing Fuji Rock's throat by nabbing an artist who would have been perfect for the latter's 20th anniversary this July...Fergie. Oh, they also got Radiohead to headline. So...who is headlining Fuji Rock? I say Coldplay is one of the three, though some people claim it doesn't match up with tour dates -- I won't accept that until the lineup is finalized. But seriously, no idea, maybe Noel Gallagher talking for an hour.
Total shocker, did you guys know the Asian music industry is far from squeaky clean? Man, thank goodness the West has no such issues.
Oricon Trail For The Week Of Jan. 11 - Jan. 17
Every week, I'll share the top-charting single from the Oricon Charts, a deeply flawed ranking system that favors groups who get fans to buy multiple copies of the same song, offering a warped view of what anyone actually listens to. This week was topped by Johnny's group NEWS, so let's pretend that never happened and go back a week.
#1 Koshi Inaba "Hane"
"Hane" easily could have been a single from long-running and beloved rock duo B'z, as it features all the usual stadium swagger those two have been doing for decades now, with a little EDM-ish flavor worked in for good measure. But I guess the group's vocalist Koshi Inaba needed a new solo single after a six year break, and why not this?
Look At Me!
I reviewed Number Girl's three major-label albums for Pitchfork, which recently were reissued on vinyl in Japan (because it's trendy). Really happy with this one, and definitely a "check it off my list" mark, considering that Number Girl were one of the bands I actually listened to long before I moved to Japan (ironically, they and Zazen Boys were the first Japanese bands I listened to that didn't appear on Pitchfork). Lots of Japanese people really enjoyed this -- though several think I'm an idiot because I gave Sappukei the lowest rating -- and one person emailed me saying he was geeked just seeing Sheena Ringo's name on Pitchfork. Anyway, I hope some kid who is really into Father John Misty ended up watching this, I'd be happy.
Also wrote two non-music articles, one about winter illuminations for CNN Travel and one about the push to make Splatoon an e-sport in Japan for Kill Screen.
Next Week: Maybe nothing crazy will happen and I can finally write about one of 2015's biggest J-pop songs that continues to linger today.
Written by Patrick St. Michel (patrickstmichel@gmail.com)
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